The Week with No Screen

In a previous post, I went over the basic policies we’ve enacted at home in an attempt to prevent our kids time from being taken over by screen-time. For the most part, these systems work fairly well – which is why I was happy to share them with you, of course!

However, all systems degrade over time, and so about once or twice a year, we used to get to a point that the kids become overly obsessed with screen time [by now they are older, and it happens much less]. It’s easy to spot the signs: intense arguments among them about “who-watches-what-when”, overreactions when they are told they will be watching less one day, fights erupting about having five minutes less on the iPad… Stuff like that.

As usual (see here), I’ll mostly be oblivious to all this happening directly. My work schedule is such that I’m less involved in the minute-by-minute events of my kids day. Instead, my radar starts warning me when Michelle enters our room and I see steam shooting out of her ears, fresh after an argument with one of the kids.

“What’s wrong, dear?” I’ll say calmly, relaxed as I symbolically emerge from my ivory tower of blissful ignorance.

“I just had to tell Max off for watching too much today. He had his Judo lesson earlier when everyone else was watching, so I let him watch a bit extra, and instead he took another whole half hour. And now he’s crying because I won’t let him finish his show.”

“Hmm…” I hum and nod sagaciously, and try to support her on with that specific event. But after a few of these events happen, with more than one kid, I’ll know that it’s time: time for the Big One: The Week With No Screen.

Disclaimer: This post is a bit long – sorry about that. It’s just that I want to give you a full account of why it’s important, how to prepare, and what to expect in this exercise. I hope, when you’re done reading, you feel it was worth your time.

Why?

Screen is addictive. As far as I’m concerned, it does not matter if it is considered an addiction or not from a “medical” standpoint. Behaviorally, my kids sometimes start to overreact if they are denied their “fix”. They exist in a sense of constant need of stimulation, and any limits put on this are met with an extreme reaction driven by a mind that declares “I need this”.

Well, they don’t need it, despite what they feel. And whenever they start treating a luxury that didn’t exist 50 years ago as if it’s a form of basic sustenance they cannot survive without, I know the system needs a “reset”. Inevitably, that means a period of detox – a week without screens, during which they can rediscover that screens are not that critical to their well-being.

However, just because I know it’s what they need does not mean it’s easy to do. Many parents, including Michelle and I, rely these days on screens to keep our children busy while we work or rest. Taking that away does not only impact our kids, but us parents as well. In what follows, I’ll take you step-by-step through how we handle these weeks, from preparation to conclusion.

Step 1: The Talk

So you’ve decided it’s time for some screen-detox. Congratulations! Now you need to prepare everyone for the event. So, a week before the no-screen week, you give them a heads up. After all, you are about to change their daily life in a big way for a short while – they will need time to prepare, technically (more on this in the next section) and emotionally.

Gather your kids around you one afternoon or evening, not too late (so they are not too cranky and tired). Tell them that you noticed that recently there have been lots of fights and arguments about screens, and that you and your spouse/partner have talked it over. “In another week,” you say, “we will have an entire week with no screen time. That means no TV, Netflix, YouTube, Playstation, IPad, smartphone games – nothing. For a whole week.”

Great cries of grief and frustration will fill the air, or gasps of disbelief. The kinds of things our kids ask can be grouped into three categories:

I’ll be bored! The answer to this is in the next section. But on a fundamental level, remind yourself that kids in 1921 found stuff to do with their time, so kids in 2021 can do so also.

I cannot miss XYZ! That intense, black-and-white feeling of “cannot” – is exactly the reason you are having the week without screen. Here, I like to ask my kids: “If there was a power-cut when XYZ happened, or your phone battery died, would you survive?” And of course they would. This also holds for missing a show all their friends watch or discuss.

But why? Here you need to explain again, that you noticed that people are behaving in an addictive manner, and addictions are never healthy. If they were not addicted, they would not be so upset. This places the kids in a Catch-22 – if they are upset, that proves your point, and if they are not, then they should not object so much. Presto!

Step 2: Stock up and Plan

Preceding the WeekWithNoScreen, you have Prep-week. This is actually a fun week if done right, for both you and the kids.

Prep-week is all about stockpiling the stuff you need in the house to keep your kids active once you pull the plug. It starts with talking to each kid, and asking them what they would like to spend their time doing next week. Several hours each day will now be free from distraction, so what will they do with their time? Here are some ideas we’ve used:

Books. Head off to the library or the book store with your kids, and spend some time browsing. Have the kids choose things that look interesting, or purchase stuff you liked as a kid if they don’t know what to choose. If they have a Kindle, browse online together and choose good stuff there (Kindle is excluded from the no-screen rule, assuming you cannot browse the web with it).

Art. See our list of fun art stuff to do here. For each of these, go out and buy what you need. Buy extra, if you can afford to – better not run out of materials.

Games. There are tons of fantastic board games out there, for all ages. Here is a partial list of games we have played and enjoyed – of course, different age groups will enjoy different stuff.

Science. Science kits are a great way for kids to explore stuff. Some of them are at a very high-level, and require parental guidance. Others the kids can do themselves.

Exercise. Take their bike to be tuned. Get a new set of skates. Take a look at a map of the town and plan a running route. Buy a new basketball.

Plan Activities. Schedule a family outing one evening. Check if some friends are up for a play date, or even a sleepover.

Step 3: Pulling the Plug

Finally, you’ve arrived to the appointed day. If you’ve prepared in the previous week, you’re all set for what is to come.

First thing in the morning of the first day, you create some “visual indicators” for what is happening. Cover your TV (or TVs) with a small tablecloth, and move the remote control for your TV and game console somewhere out of sight and out of reach. Same goes for iPads. This is not because you don’t trust your kids – it’s to prevent distractions. Remember – this is detox week. You would not keep a pack of cigarettes around the house if you were trying to quit smoking.

Phones still need to be used, but you set your parental controls on them in accordance with the agreement you reach with your kids on using social media (see the “Details” section below for more on this).

At this point, like all recovering addicts, the first day will be tough. Your kids will complain they are bored, and probably nag you throughout the day. But since you prepared them for this, and also purchased activities for them in advance, all of you know what to do when they are bored: send them to use those things you prepared.

The first day is usually the hardest, but it’s also the day in which you have so many activities pre-planned that it’s unlikely you will end up with nothing to do. An art activity gets done too fast? Send them off to read a book. The book is boring? Go outside and shoot some hoops.

Still, I’d suggest you put aside an hour or so of your time on the first day, under the assumption you will be busy getting your kids started on new projects and handling mini-meltdowns. Whatever happens, though, don’t even consider allowing screens. If things are that bad that you are considering it, that’s a sign for you that it’s even more important that your kids get detoxed. Yep, Catch-22 all over again.

Step 4: Reaping The Rewards

After the first day, things will get better. 24-hours are a reasonable time for the kid to see that even without his or her favorite show or online game, they survive. From here on, things will be less intense.

And, now you start reaping the rewards of all your hard work (and by “you” I mean the whole family). Art projects start cropping up around the house. Siblings play with one another outside in the yard or with the new cool board game you purchased. New books are discovered, old ones rediscovered.

A long-forgotten visitor will reappear in your house: Quiet. Quiet because there are less electronic devices making noise, and also there will be less arguments. From my experience, kids discover parts inside themselves they had forgotten about, and they become quite engrossed in projects that allow them to reconnect with those parts.

For some families, if your schedule allows it, family meals will once more become a thing. People will also be less distracted during those meals, and will actually have conversations with one another.

And finally, a week later when it’s all over, plenty of good things remain. Some kids will find a better balance between screens and other hobbies. Big projects that they did not finish during the week will still beckon them, and they will heed that call.

What is for certain, though, is that they will have learned that screens are an option, not a necessity. And if your kids are like mine, the next time I announce “we have to have a week with no screen”, they might complain, but it will be a quieter outcry, and they might even get excited thinking about all that they could do in that week.

Detoxed, over-and-out.

The Devil in the Details

A few final points, that might make it all go a bit easier.

Choose the week wisely. Screen addiction is bad and annoying, but it’s ok to put off the detox week to a time that is more comfortable for the family. If you have a specially intense work week and need the quiet that screens provide, schedule it for a week after. Same goes for cases when the week does not work well with your kids schedule.

Should parents avoid screens as well? I think it’s cool if you do, but when we do these weeks we still allow ourselves to watch something when the kids go to bed. We are upfront about this with our kids – we explain that (a) parents and kids have different rules, and (b) we are not as addicted to screens. Of course, if you happen to be addicted to screens and your kids call you out on it, you better be willing to face the music and join them…

Screens with friends. If your kid goes over to a friend, you really cannot control what they do there, so don’t try. In our house, spending time with friends outside the house was the one part that was excluded from the no-screen rule. We figured, we at least gained that the child was out of the house and socially active.

What about social networks? In general, we focus on recreational screens this week. Stuff that you need for school and to set up times to meet with friends should be allowed. If you have a hard time tracking what your kid does online, I propose you add some technological means of tracking and limiting screen time, with tools like Qustodio.

Our Muse

In this instance, I think it’s important to give credit where credit is due: the idea for doing this came from the famous 1984 classic, “The Berenstain Bears and Too much TV” – Thanks Stan and Jan!

I’ve teased the book in the image above, and in truth, everything that you need to know appears there as well. Perhaps you should pick up this old favorite in the bookstore for your four-year-old, in preparation for a Week with no Screens. 😉